I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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