your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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