It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
