i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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