I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
