is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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