I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
