I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
