Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
