the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
