happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
