At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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