I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
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