dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
