haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
