i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
