I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
