you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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