Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
