i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
