her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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