hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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