im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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