I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
