He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
