I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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