btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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