how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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