i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
