Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
