For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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