My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
