its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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