She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
