Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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