I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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