DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
