we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My balls are so social today.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm passing your future prison.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
