I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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