There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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