when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
