Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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