booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
