id be glad to
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
