DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
