whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
