haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
