I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
