my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
