he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
