I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
