Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
