I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
