where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
